Thinking about where I’d like to go moving forward with this practice. This word just came to mind, practice, as I thought about what to call my work, this brand. Brand doesn’t sit well with me, it never fully has. Work feels too close to work/job/the hustle and bustle of city life which slightly makes me feel sick and gives me anxiety. Practice is nice, is new and feels fitting. I feel that this ‘work’ of designing and making clothing has been for me more than just that, this foray, this work, this practice has been a journey of meeting myself; seeing my fears, my insecurities, seeing myself vulnerable, frustrated, cry and cry and cry. I have shed so many tears over this work, this practice. It hasn’t been so much about the material things although at first it may seem, the tears have stemmed really from a deeper place; deeper places that get confronted as a result of this work, this practice of becoming more and more of my true self. Finding her and allowing her to lead the way.
The last few years I have spent dropping off layers. Layer after layer as I began to awake to the game that is at play in our society. I began rejecting ways of being that I was taught, and began really just forging my own path and walking along to the beat of my own drum - my own heart. It has not always been easy but it has contributed greatly to my self-discovery and to walking in authenticity.
My work is my practice / My practice is my work.
This realisation came to me “Your purpose for being here is not so much about what you do but about who you become.” It really hit me and I sat with that for a moment. It has popped up time and time again since then as a gentle reminder. I feel that in our generation we are so preoccupied with what we are doing but really we should be more focused on who we are becoming - within. Focusing too much on the former only distracts us from truly stepping into and evolving into the person we are suppose to be.
Our purpose here is for our soul’s evolution.
We are here for deeper reasons than the acquiring of status, wealth, and material objects and all these things can be great and wonderful to experience but are besides the point of us being here. We will not leave here with any of those aforementioned, so why do we pursue them so hard and cling to them so much? They mean nothing and are worthless in the grand scheme of our lives.
As I move forward into 2020 may my work and practice continue to be about self-discovery, vulnerability, honesty, and facing my insecurities and fears. May my work and practice be a place where I come to confront those things, explore them, and journey with them. May pure raw honesty pour out in all that I do and may I lead and guide people into those places for themselves. I do not know what this will fully look like as yet but I’m allowing these feelings and thoughts to pour out.
Normally I’d write these kind of thoughts in my journals or notebooks but there’s a shift I’d like to take place in my work and an intimacy that I’d like to introduce as much as this scares me for fear of not being accepted or rejected or people not really caring. But still I will move forth.
There’s so much deeper that I’d like to go with all this but I’m yet to have fully figured out how. But I do believe I’m slowly moving towards it all unfolding and so I’ll just take it step by step moving when the inspiration hits.